


The First Order watches The Empire Strikes Back

by DarthLumpy



Series: The First Order Watches Star Wars Films as a Historical Exercise [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9548360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthLumpy/pseuds/DarthLumpy
Summary: General Hux, through the efforts of historians and editors forces the members of The First Order to watch basically what we know as The Empire Strikes Back.  Kylo Ren, of course, has issues throughout.





	

Hux walks with authority into the auditorium. He stands at the podium, clears his throat and makes the announcement. "I have gathered you here to watch a documentary that took place during the Galactic Civil War. It was found recently, and after viewing it, I believe we can gather some insight even fighting the resistance as it even contains material on it's much younger lead general, as well as a battle and some footage, be it by hologram, of the Empire's great leader Emperor Palpatine, as well as a lot of how Darth Vader operated. I believe we can learn and get a lot out of this. Stormtroopers, I want you to pay attention to the stormtroopers of the past and how inefficacious and feeble they were in their attempts to subdue the enemy." Kylo Ren enters the room. "I see Ren has decided to join us, finally." He said with a sneer. "I'm sure you will find this documentary most fascinating, as Darth Vader figures prominently in this. We all know you keep his melted mask in your private quarters." Kylo Ren perks up as Hux scowls. "There will be a test. Are there any questions?"

Captain Phasma raises her arm. "Are there either of the Death Stars in this film? I have always been interested in the layout and how they were instituted."

General Hux replies. "I'm afraid not, this was pieced together from materials found at Hoth from rebel scum surveillance tapes, the footage found on an old x-wing, tapes we found from an old freighter that had been abandoned for some time, and obtained from a Blobfish who's name escapes me, footage from Cloud City at the Empire's take over (Kylo Ren starts to get nervous and sinks into his chair), and some footage taken from The Devastator, Vader' ship during the Battle of Hoth, and some ships that were part of the Rebel Alliance we were able to obtain. There are parts that may turn some of your stomachs, however, the person who edited and pieced it together thought it made for a good story this way. I understand they left a lot of material on the cutting floor, such as a lot of personal stuff from the freighter, and a few other bits, but I am sure they were insignificant to most of you. This took a few years to piece together, and I want everyone grateful that we have been given this opportunity to view history as it happened."

Hux took a seat near Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Mitaka, along with other officers of The First Order. The stormtroopers started chatting, and Captain Phasma stood up, pointed "You there! Do you want to spend more time shoveling snow outside after the film? Pay attention! Everyone quiet!"

Kylo Ren was squirming in his seat. He missed the part about the "Resistance General", but he did get the part about Cloud City and it only made him think of Lando Calrissian. Was this going to be like a home movie? It couldn't have been "that freighter" could it? Seeing Darth Vader though in action might be interesting and informative. He would try to remain calm. Tune into the Force, Ren, keep your cool. He said to himself. You are a powerful Force user, you can handle this. Be strong.

The lights went out and the holocamera started to flicker as it projected on the large wall in front of the entire group. They cheered as they saw an Imperial star destroyer fill their screens. What was it sending out. A stormtrooper called out "Is that Starkiller base?" everyone went shhhhhhhhhhhh

Kylo Ren heard the first line and thought, "No, it can't be? Surely that name has to be common. Please, Force no." Even though they weren't recognizable, he immediately became away he was staring at his young uncle and father in heavy parkas, riding giant lizards. He sunk into his seat. "Is there a problem, Ren?" General Hux asked smirking.

"No, not at all." Ren said with of anger. This was going to be a long movie.

"Who's the guy who just took his hood off? Oh, a Wookiee smelly beasts!" Phasma said.

"Here, see in this scene, that woman in white, that is the leader of the lowsome Resistance, Organa." General Hux pointed out. "Oh, that's Solo. The rebel scum who helped her lower the shields on the second Death Star. Pay attention to their monitors people. This was the archaic equipment they had to contend with, it was archaic even for the time, as you will notice what the mighty Empire had on their star destroyers and elsewhere. These were terrorists! Never forget that!"

"Sir, They are fighting? I thought you said they lowered the shields to the second Death Star? It doesn't look like they got along." Lieutenant Mitaka noted.

Kylo Ren squirmed. Then said. "They got married."

General Hux said. "Well I hope they didn't have any children if they acted like that."

Kylo Ren sunk in his seat.

"Skywalker? Wasn't that who you trained with before coming to us, Ren?" General Hux said.

"Yes, it was." Kylo Ren answered in a low breath.

"That is interesting. This should be very interesting for you, then." General Hux noticed. Kylo Ren just clutched his fist.

"Look at this fool going out in that cold after him? And these were considered "War Heroes" by the New Republic? Pathetic." Said Captain Phasma.

The crowd goes "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww" as they watch Solo put Luke into the Tauntaun.

"I wonder if he ever got that smell out. Ren, did Skywalker smell bad when you trained with him?" General Hux said with a sneer.

"Oh, they had Bacta tanks even back then!" Lieutenant Mitaka stated with a bit of a thrill. Hux gave him a puzzling look.

A stormtrooper behind them went "Shhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm trying to watch the movie." Hux turned at him and almost growled.

"What is it with these same people. Did they have a camera on them all the time. It's good for our research on the resistance general, but it's just a bunch of silly back and forth with no information that help our cause." Captain Phasma said.

"The Battle of Hoth will be coming up in detail." General Hux said. "Say, wasn't Skywalker Organa's brother?"

"Yes" Kylo Ren answered quietly.

"She certainly is quite fiesty. I kind of like her attitude, even if she is lowsome resistance scum." General Hux said. "She was kind of a hotty."

Kylo Ren clenches his fists, stood up a moment, then sat down.

"Wasn't there a scandal in the senate a few years ago with her? It turned out that Vader was her real father. Ruined her political career." General Hux commented.

"I thought he was her brother!" Captain Phasma said, watching her kiss him.

Kylo Ren grabs his gut and starts to head out.

"Oh, Ren, you sit right back down here now, that's an order!" General Hux said.

"I'm going to be sick!" and he partially unhooks his mask and pukes all over the floor.

"I have to admit, knowing they were siblings, it kind of made me sick as well, Sir" Captain Phasma replied.

"Oh someone come clean this up! You over there!" General Hux commanded. "Ren, clean yourself up and get back in here when you are done. I really want you to witness the Battle of Hoth footage."

Kylo Ren came back in and just in time. Darth Vader showed up on the screen. He let out a big "Here we go." feeling much chipper than before.

"That Ozzel guy is an idiot. I wonder who he was related to in order to get that high up in the ranks of the Empire to be an Admiral." Kylo Ren said. General Hux gave him a nasty look. "Look how amazing Darth Vader commands himself." Kylo Ren says with almost a glee. Suddenly, he is excited.

"I've heard of Veers. This should be interesting. Take notes all, remember, the Empire won this one. I want to see you look at the mistakes as well as the victories, from both sides." General Hux said.

"It's amazing that ship even held together. I mean look at it! And a Wookiee? The Wookiee looks like he is breaking that ship, not putting it back together, even if there is a together at all to it. It looks taped together." A crew man in the back notes.

"This rebel base is a travesty. No wonder they lost." Captain Phasma noted.

Kylo Ren clutches himself, overcome with emotion as Darth Vader comes out of his meditation chamber and gasps. "General Hux, you should take notes, this was a leader! You could learn a great deal from him." He says it almost chipper, and with his mask on, that is hard to manage, but yet he does.

"Well, I'm glad you finally found something to like about this film, Ren." General Hux stated. "I don't believe I could choke a man though from another ship like that though."

"Leave that to me, Hux" Kylo Ren said. Hux gave him a terrifying look.

"Oh this Piett. He impresses me, will have to look up his record." Hux said.

"He died at the Battle of Endor." Ren answered.

"Are you sure, Ren?" Hux answered. Ren gives him a look.

"Oh look, it's General Organa rallying her troops. See how she commands. I can see why she got so many to follow her. Well, we will crush her!" Hux says.

"Here we go! Battle time! Everyone pay attention!" General Hux said.

"Look how archaic those ships are. Even for that time." Ren stated.

"I do have to give them credit. The pilots do seem to work well together. And tripping the walkers with cables was genius." Captain Phasma stated.

"Remember, Phasma, they did lose this battle. The Empire was victorious. Oh this guy again, how does he think that ship is going to even fly?" Hux said. "Take out those generators idiots! Would have saved a lot of lives doing that immediately! They could have done it with a star destroyer!"

"I will have to give credit to your old teacher here, Ren, that was quite a maneuver with walker, climbing up and putting the bomb in. Will have to remember that one." Hux said, stroking his chin.

"Oh, they are getting the resistance general off on that ship that is falling apart? And she's now fighting against us? I'm surprised she survived flying in that thing." Captain Phasma said. "It doesn't even start. That man points a lot."

"Oh Grandfather" Kylo Ren whispers. "You were so close."

"What was that, Ren?" Hux said. "The Empire was victorious. How did the Rebellion even win with that kind of performance! What insubordination! Skywalker isn't even going back to his fleet! What a coward!" Hux said.

"Oh look, the Empire is now chasing that junky freighter. I wouldn't be surprised if they get caught." Captain Phasma says.

"Excuse me, Hux, I believe that I have had enough. I will return to my quarters." Ren said.

"Sit back down, Ren. Indulge me. This looks like it's going to get interesting. I understand that Vader gets to torture someone later in this footage. I am sure you would like to see that." Hux said.

Kylo Ren reluctantly sits down. This is starting to be like his home movies, and seeing C-3PO is kind of messing with his emotions a bit. He can't tell them that though. He can't tell them he saw enough of his parents banter in life, let alone reliving it now, and he doesn't really want them to know they are his parents, for obvious reasons. And Chewie's there. Those vacations on Kashyyyk? Maybe they were good times, maybe. Have to put that life behind him now. Be strong, Ben, I mean Ren. Ren would suck it up, maybe seeing Vader in action will be worth it. "Can we skip through this asteroid field? Really, is this part necessary?" Ren asked.

"They are evading the Empire. It will be educational to some of our pilots. I have to admit, that even though that freighter is an atrocity, this pilot is fascinating to watch, for rebel scum, that is." Hux stated.

"Three star destroyers? So close together? Who were the admirals on these ships!" Captain Phasma crosses her arms in frustration.

Kylo Ren laughs when the box of tools fall on Solo's head. "See Ren, it's not so bad is it?" Hux says. Ren groans.

From the back, a tie fighter pilot coughs and asks. "Sir, if I may. Any chance we can get some popcorn in here? How long is this film?"

"Yes, it will be a while longer. You there." Hux pointing to a junior officer. "Why don't you go down and have them bring in some popcorn and maybe some drinks, and be quick about it."

"Yes Sir." The officer said sheepishly and disappointed to be missing something.

"Ooooo This place looks weird. There's your teacher again, Ren. This could get interesting. He couldn't even land a ship properly." Hux mocked Ren as he just sat there, with a sneer that Hux could not see from his mask.

"He has a fascinating droid. A bit mischievous. I hope he had him reprogrammed, that can be dangerous in a droid. Did he have that when you knew him?" Captain Phasma asked Kylo Ren.

"Yes, he never had him reprogrammed that I knew of, can you stop asking me about Skywalker!" Kylo Ren said.

Everyone sitting in the front row stared at him, and went back to the movie.

"Oh look, it's Gr-uh Darth Vader in his chamber. You can see his injuries. That poor man." Kylo Ren said.

"I like this Piett. He seems to be a good commander. Take note people, be like Piett. Follow his example." General Hux called out.

"Darth Vader doesn't mess around though. I mean, look at his command, he's, he's wonderful. Simply sublime." Kylo Ren said.

"Here we are back on that junky freighter." Captain Phasma sighs.

"Does he always have to talk to C-3PO that way? I swear that droid never got any respect, this one time...um never mind." Kylo Ren said.

"Never mind what, Ren?" Hux answered.

Kylo Ren thought quickly. "You know, earlier in the movie."

Hux thought, couldn't quite recall the scene, but figured it was just Kylo Ren being perceptive. Kylo Ren was thinking of the frequent abuse that C-3PO often got from his personal memories. Get a grip, man, get a grip..

"Whoa! He just grabbed her chest! Did you see that! When she fell into him. Not that the outfit allows us a good look at her tatas, but I wouldn't mind a grab myself." Some of the excited soldiers in the back got excited getting a bit rowdy.

Kylo Ren, using the Force, pulled up two of the offenders, brought them closer to him, and looked into their eyes, though they could not see his expression, just the being lifted with the Force was enough to invoke terror.

"Thank you, Ren, they do seem to get excited sometimes. You can put them back now. Please?" Then he spoke louder. "Calm yourselves! It's nothing to get excited about. Self control people."

Kylo Ren sat down fuming. "I think I may leave. Meditation calls."

"Oh, Ren, do stay, and you knew Skywalker, so you may have more insight for us. I insist." General Hux said.

Kylo Ren sat down angry. This was getting too much, even talking about his mother like that, well, Ben's mother, not Kylo Ren's mother. Ben who I destroyed. Still.

Popcorn arrived, and as the screen showed Skywalker inspecting the swampy planet, snacks and drinks were getting passed around swiftly. Hux stood up and said. "OK, now, settle down. You got your treats. I demand quiet. It may be beneficial to some of you to see the information on Skywalker, as if he returns, he will be a threat to us. Take notes."

"Well, I have to say I am not impressed at all by Skywalker so far. Who is this little green troll?" Hux said.

"Don't follow him! It's a trap" Someone yelled in back.

"Oh, I get it, he is Yoda, stupid Skywalker doesn't know though. Am I right?" General Hux said.

Kylo Ren growled. "Yes, it's Yoda."

"Oh, here we are back at that junky ship again. How did they survive. They look stuck. I am quite sure the Empire would not have given up on them. From what I can see, and as a great commander myself, I would have made sure that they had a group of ships waiting on them." General Hux said.

"Your old teacher wasn't too bright there, was he Ren?" Lieutenant Mitaka meekly mentioned to Ren, who after turned his head in a way to know that Mitaka had should have just kept his mouth shut.

"He's right you know, Sir. I mean, I could tell that had to be this Yoda he was looking for. You were educated by this Skywalker?" Phasma said.

When he sees his mother working with the hydrospaner in that area of the Falcon, Ren's mind remembers happier times when he would play with his toys in that same area, he considered it his room, that is when someone wasn't repairing something in there that was. That ship always seemed to have something wrong with it. Oh no, this is not happening, this is not happening, not in that room! Noooo!

"Wow, that guy is going to make a move on her! Go for it! Yeah!" A loud obnoxious tie-fighter pilot in the back hooted as General Hux stood up and turned around looking for the man.

"Please, control yourselves! You don't want that to be a mark against you!" General Hux said with great authority and sat back down.

"Awwwww" Captain Phasma said.

"You know that's the enemy, Phasma." Hux said.

Kylo Ren had to shut his eyes and sunk into his seat. I used to play in that room. Yuck. Why did Han Solo have to be such a pervert! Ooooh, grandfather is meeting with the holo of the Emperor! "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Kylo Ren said as he jumped out of his seat, then sat down, realizing he was making a scene.

"Our great Emperor. My father spoke highly of him." Hux said with a tear.

"Sir, did your father meet the Emperor?" Phasma asked.

"No, but he served him just the same." Hux stated.

Ren remembers some of his early training from Luke while he watches Yoda and Luke speak.

"This man is the great Skywalker? And they talk to ghosts? Fascinating. Not too impressed with Skywalker at all. He does seem a bit, how would you say, simple?" Hux states. "Someone pass me some of that popcorn! And a drink!"

Popcorn and drinks are passed to General Hux.

"Thank you. Finally!" Hux sits back down.

"Yoda is creepy." says Mitaka.

"Mynocks! Oh those things are a mess. Remember that time we had a bunch of them on Arkanis?" a pilot says to a friend in back.

"Shhhhhhhhh" are all around.

"This guy just shoots to shoot stuff!" Said someone near the front.

"Oh he did, all the time." Said Kylo Ren. "I mean, he seems the type."

"Here we are, I bet the Empire is right there ready to board. What kind of idiot flies into an exogorth?" General Hux says. "Well, I guess we find out later, we are back to Skywalker doing his exercises. Who edited this thing? I have to wait through this?"

"Well, Sir, you did want to see what we were dealing with with this Skywalker person." Captain Phasma said.

"It just looks like some early training though. I imagine he must have gotten better in the years that followed. I mean, I am not very much impressed so far." Hux said. "How was he when he was with you, Ren? I mean, you seem to have some control of the Force, he must have taught you something?"

"He did learn a bit more. He got more powerful in time. Don't underestimate his power." Kylo Ren stated.

"See, this is why I wanted you here. You help explain..." He waved his arms at the screen. "this. Well, that flip is kind of impressive. Can you do a flip like that, Ren?"

"Yes, he made me do them all the time." Kylo Ren just groaned and hope more Darth Vader was coming up and less intimate moments with his, or well Ben's parents.

"Oooo this cave looks scary." One of the officers in the back said.

"What the hell? It's his own head?" Mitaka said and clinched back in fear. "In the mask!"

"Ah, see, here we go. I knew the Empire wouldn't let me down. Get that freighter with the rebel scum inside! Still, something must have happened that we still have to deal with General Organa." Hux said. "Look at this Admiral Piett fellow. You know he detests these bounty hunter scum, but they are a necessity. He keeps his head up and his cool. A most impressive fellow. Some of you officers should take note." Hux stated grabbing some more popcorn. "He wanted them alive. They must have gotten away somehow. I hope it wasn't a traitor in the Empire."

"Oh that ship, it's still broken. How hilarious." One of the crew in the back said outloud.

"What the hell is he doing! Suicide attack?" Hux asked.

"General Hux, if you don't mind, I appreciate the commentary, but I am trying to watch." Captain Phasma says.

"Educational commentary, I assure you, Captain. This Captain Needa. He knows he made a mistake. I must commend him for his dignity. He knew he disgraced his office and was willing to take the consequences with dignity. We should all follow his example." Hux said with great respect.

"Now we have this Skywalker lifting some rocks and junk. Rocks." Hux said with a huff.

"Oh that little green troll is going on about the Force. Boring." Phasma said.

"Oh, have some respect, Phasma." And Kylo Ren picks up a popcorn container and hits it on her head. Only it doesn't hurt, because of the armor, but he makes his point.

"I apologize, Sir." Captain Phasma says.

"Thank You" states Ren. A bit annoyed.

"Ren, you should lift ships with your mind for me. It could be very handy. I should just keep you at the landing bay and have you shift them around." Hux said with a bit of sarcasm.

Kylo Ren picks up another popcorn container, this one full, and dumps it on Hux's head. The audience laughs.

"You will pick up every piece of that popcorn!" Hux says.

Ren lifts them all up at once using the Force and drops them on his head again.

"Not funny." And Hux sits down, defeated for now.

"Darth Vader certainly knows how to hand out a punishment, there goes your great Captain Needa." Said Kylo Ren.

"Thank you, Ren, for not taking my apology the same way." Said Phasma.

"Is that a crack at me, Phasma?" Ren asked.

"Uh, no Sir. Certainly not." Phasma answers.

Hux gave him a look, and stroked his own neck. "Oh, that is brilliant. For a pilot with a hunk of junk I will have to give that rebel scum some credit for that maneuver. I am really enjoying this, documentary. Who would guess history could be so entertaining."

Kylo Ren just rolled his eyes, even though no one could see.

"Shutting off C-3PO again. No respect for him, none. All those things he did for them." Kylo Ren said.

"C-3PO? Sir, the protocol droid? I didn't know that was his name. He's quite annoying. I imagine he must be handy or they wouldn't bring him along. Do you have experience with protocol droids, Sir?" Captain Phasma asked.

"Yes, um well. When I was younger. Watch the movie." Kylo Ren said a bit agitated.

"Aww, what a sweet little peck on the cheek." Mitaka whisper. Ren gave him a slight elbow to the arm.

"Mitaka, remember, they are the enemy." Hux said. "Troll man again, oh what species is that, does anyone know?"

A chorus of nos are heard through the theater.

"Oh nevermind." Hux said. "This Skywalker didn't seem like much of a Jedi there in the beginning. Maybe this isn't the best film to watch to see how much of a threat he might be to us. Ren, any light on this?"

"That was 30 some years ago, Hux, you must remember that." Kylo Ren said.

"I suppose so, it's just, well, he seems a bit, green around the tentacles or something of that nature. He did blow up a Death Star at this point, I guess there is that." Hux said.

"He was a farm boy from Tatooine, Hux. He wasn't sophisticated, I'm afraid." Kylo Ren said.

"Hmm. I guess not. I am so used to those trained from birth, like my stormtroopers and my soldiers. Well, no matter, back to the movie. Looks like he isn't following his teacher's advice." Hux said.

"Oh that planet is beautiful! Where is that again?" Phasma asks.

"Bespin" Kylo Ren answers.

"We must try to take it for The First Order. Tibana gas, hmmm, I am sure we can put that to work. Are there a lot of cities there?" Hux asked.

"There are structures that float in the sky. Parts of it are beautiful and luxurious." Kylo Ren answered.

"Oh, you have been there then?" Hux answered.

"Yes. Just drop it." Kylo Ren wasn't about to talk about how he knew Lando Calrissian.

"Wow, that ship looks bad." Phasma said. "Now that guy knows how to dress. I do like a nice cape."

"And they are proud of and are fighting over that hunk of junk ship? Amazing." Hux said.

"Fancy dressed dude is making a move on General Organa there." Mitaka said. Kylo Ren elbows him again. "What? Why do you keep doing that."

Kylo Ren gritting his teeth said "Just stop it, you know what I am capable of."

"OK, Ok, sorry, Sir." Mitaka moved in a ball as close to the other side of his seat as he could.

"I didn't realize General Organa was so tiny. Walking through those halls, she is dwarfed by her companions. Yet, the stories of her make her seem so frightening." Phasma stated.

"Oh, don't let your eyes deceive you, Phasma, she is a force to be reckoned with, if the rumors are true, she killed a hutt wearing hardly anything at all and using only a chain in her hands." Hux stated.

"Oh, I don't believe that for a minute. That little thing?" Mitaka said.

"Believe it. It's true." Kylo Ren said with a pause in his throat. How he would have to hear that story over and over from his father whenever he was bragging on her.

"Yes, I wondered if it was made up propaganda myself. Then, she did turn out to be Vader's true daughter, well according to the holos. Look what he could do." Hux said.

"Noooooooooooooo!" Kylo Ren cried.

"What's wrong, Ren? What is it with your fascination with that droid?" Hux asked.

"Oh, nothing. He just seems, well, useful." Ren answered.

Hux just shook his head. "Look, Skywalker has to go save his friends. Let's see how this turns out. Badly, I hope." Hux said.

"Let them die, Luke" a voice in the back shouts out.

"That ghost is back. Who is that ghost?" Hux asked.

"General Obi-Wan Kenobi" Kylo Ren says.

"Who? Another Jedi? I thought they all were killed? Well I guess he is a ghost, but surely Yoda is alive, and his ghost looks old. How was it possible to certainly the Emperor had them all killed." Hux said.

Kylo Ren really didn't want to go into this, but well, these morons were clueless to The Force and their basic history. Who knows what kind of education they had in the hiding places of the Outer Rim, when he himself had the privilege of a good education, that was until he was sent to Uncle Luke. How could they not know their history?

"Don't tell me you never heard of General Obi-Wan Kenobi from The Clone Wars? He did survive, he went into hiding. Was killed by Vader around the time of the battle of Yavin. What kind of history did they teach you in The First Order?" Kylo Ren asked him.

"Oh now, don't give me that. I know you must have come from some privileged background from the way you hold yourself, but my own father was an educated man and oversaw a lot of the education we had growing up while we were building up our armies. I don't have to take this. You will sit down and you will drop this right now. I'm sure you got some of that New Republic propaganda as part of your education as well." Hux said in anger.

"You need to get it from someone. You certainly are lacking quite a bit. You know not to test me, Hux. I suggest you drop this. Drop it now. I'm watching your movie. Now, you drop it." Kylo Ren demanded. Hux sat down.

Hux thought to himself about how touchy Ren was about The Force and how annoying he was, what was it with him and this 'droid' and he seems touchy about General Organa as well. Well, he did train with her brother, maybe he met her and she was mean to him? Nice to him? Or whatever, who cares. At least his knowledge of the New Republic has been helpful.

"Oh that city is beautiful, let's not try to blow up that planet if we can help it. We should take it for The First Order." Captain Phasma said.

"Yes, we should. If Supreme Leader demands it, it will be ours. You act as if you have already picked out an apartment, Phasma?" Hux said.

"Sir, if they are all like that one, I would be quite pleased." Phasma answered back.

"That pilot Solo said he was leaving. I thought you said they took down the shields at Endor, and got married or something?" Mitaka said.

"They did, now will you shut up!" Kylo Ren said.

"Sorry, Sir, I will be quiet, Sir." Mitaka replied.

"Poor Threepio!" Kylo Ren said.

Those in the front seats all looked at him.

"Perhaps we can get you a protocol droid, Ren. I'm sure there are some around that you could make use of." Hux said.

"I never knew Wookiees were so tall." Hux said. "I haven't had much experience with them. I heard from my father they made good slaves. Very strong creatures."

Kylo Ren had mixed feelings on that one. Must pull back the light, must push away the light. Don't think about family vacations to Kashyyyk. Don't think about Uncle Chewie's cooking.

"Sir, what do they call those little creatures?" Phasma asked.

"Ugnaughts." Ren answered.

"Do they speak basic?" Hux asked.

"Some do." Ren answered. "It's nice to be able to see Vader take that blaster out of Fa..that rebel scum's hands, and diverting his bolts."

"Yes, most impressive. I knew he would capture those scum in the end. Brilliant man. What a loss to the Galaxy he was. Blasted Skywalker killing him." Hux said.

Kylo Ren gulped holding back the tears. "I wish I had known him, and well Skywalker didn't..Oh nevermind."

"Nevermind what? Oh you believe that propaganda that Skywalker didn't kill Vader? Figures, he was your teacher after all, well, I can let that go. Since you weren't "privileged to have the education" that I myself had." Said Hux mockingly.

"Now, we get to the torture. I never thought that sound would be a good torture technique. Write this down, officers." Hux stated.

"Threepio." Kylo Ren said.

"What is it with you and that droid!" Hux said shaking his head. "Oh wow, a scan grid! So primitive and so effective. We know he doesn't die, unfortunately, but I imagine it could eventually kill a person. We must get one." Hux said.

Audience members were cringing in their seats. Even Kylo Ren had to close his eyes under his mask.

"You know what I just realized. General Organa turned out in the end to be Vader's secret daughter as was Skywalker, well, Vader is torturing her boyfriend. I imagine that would have been doubly satisfying had he known." Hux stated with an almost mild sinister laugh. Kylo Ren gives Hux a look that he can't see, but only the turn of his head towards him. Hux feels the tension, and moves along.

"Oh Threepio, you were always so good with the insults." Kylo Ren whispered.

"What was that, Ren?" Hux said.

"Nothing." Kylo Ren said

"It wasn't directed towards me was it?" Hux asked

"No, drop it."Ren answered.

"Mitaka, what did he say?" Hux asked.

"Something about the droid, Sir." Mitaka said.

"What is this fixation with the droid?" Hux shook his head and went back and watched some more.

"Hey now, what exactly is this thing? Oh it's for Carbon Freeze! They are going to Carbon Freeze Solo. This should be interesting. Maybe we need one of these for The First Order. Imagine the possibilities! Intelligence team, when this film is over, get on that." Hux said.

"That wookiee really made short work of pushing those stormtoopers away. I hope none of you are weak enough to take that. I like to train my troopers to be strong. Watch carefully!" Captain Phasma announced. "We need to be greater than the Empire stormtroopers. I have to say I am not impressed."

"Awwwwwww what a kiss!" some of the officers in the back exclaimed.

Kylo Ren yelled. "I KNOW! I KNOW! WHY CAN'T YOU SAY I LOVE YOU, TOO LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! WHY! IT'S NOT CUTE! I KNOW! I KNOW! IT'S I LOVE YOU, TOO!" flicks on his light saber and...

"REN! CALM DOWN! What has gotten into you! Sit down. I am sure this movie will be over soon. We will talk about it later. Sit! I swear, sometimes you are like a child." Hux said. "See, that man is still alive. That would be a handy process. I can think of a few people I would like to put in carbon freeze." Looks over to Ren.

"Skywalker has arrived. Like he can take on the whole Empire with his blaster." Hux rolls his eyes. "His sister has to yell at him telling him it's a trap. He's not even listening. I am not impressed with this Skywalker. I don't know why Supreme Leader is so concerned about him."

"Oooooo Vader this must be where Vader cuts off his hand." Kylo Ren says.

"What!" Phasma says.

"He cuts off his hand. If you knew anything, Skywalker has a cybertechnic hand. It's from this encounter." Kylo Ren explained.

"Well, looks like Calrissian is a TRAITOR. I assume this is how the General got away. Look, your droid friend looks better, Ren."

"Droid friend, um, he's not my friend, he's well, he seems like a good droid is all." Ren exclaimed

"Stormtroopers, take notes, THIS IS NOT HOW YOU USE A BLASTER. These stormtroopers are incompetent." Captain Phasma called out to her crew.

"OK, Everyone be quiet, this part might actually be really good." Kylo Ren said. "Not often one gets the chance to see Gra...um The Great Darth Vader in action. I feel like I have seen part of this before... nevermind."

"I have to say this, has anyone noticed that Darth Vader has cool music?" Mitaka stated.

"He does." Hux said.

"How did Skywalker survive? Look at that drop?" Phasma said. "General Organa is a good shot. Something we should remember if when we capture her. No fear either that one. Have to respect that."

Hux gives her a look. "I suppose you are right, Phasma. This being 32 years or something though, who knows how she shoots now."

Shhhhhhhhhhh this is getting good, one of the officers behind Hux says. Hux gives him a look.

"There's the hand, just like you said, Ren, and I guess this is where he finds out that Vader is his father as well. This Obi-Wan fellow seems like a great deceiver. I do have to respect this Skywalker on his ability to comprehend things after losing his hand. I smashed my finger once, and well, I passed out. Don't everyone look at me like that. Seriously, don't. I can have you shot with just one word." Hux said.

"Skywalker should have joined his father. Ruled the galaxy together. Oh how my life, I mean our lives, could have been so much different." Ren said.

"How does she do that? She can hear Luke? How?" Phasma asks.

"The Force. Weren't you paying attention! She is strong in the Force as well." Ren answered.

"Something else we should make note of. Do you think you could take her, if it came to it, Ren? Mr. I can stop a lightening bolt?" Hux said mockingly.

"She is kind of scary sometimes." Ren whispered to himself. "JUST WATCH THE MOVIE"

"Vader just wants his son. The ingrate doesn't even want to go. What is wrong with him?" Hux said.

"Looks like the Empire finally has them." Phasma "Go Empire!"

"That damn astromech! What is it with their droids?" Hux asked.

"What a beautiful star destroyer. I like it so much better than the Finalizer." Ren said.

"The Finalizer is bigger, Ren." Hux said with a scowl.

"Poor Gra...Great Vader." Kylo Ren said sadly.

"Looks like they got back to the Rebel Fleet, Rats." One of the officers in the back said.

"WHY IS LANDO WEARING HAN SOLO'S CLOTHES!" Said Kylo Ren.

"Well look at that. I guess he left Cloud City without anything, didn't you notice?" Hux said.

"Skywalker got a new hand. Looks good." Phasma said.

"It didn't look like that when he was my teacher." Kylo Ren said.

"Well, I guess that is it. Thank you all for watching. I have to admit that was entertaining and informative. We will have to see what more footage we can dig up in the future. I hope you all took notes, I will send a quiz in the future with some of the more important points. You are dismissed. Oh, and make sure you clean up after yourselves. You seem to have made quite a mess. That means you, too, Ren." Hux announced and left the auditorium.

Ren, using the Force cleaned up all the popcorn he had spilled around Hux and Phasma eariler in the film, by lifting it and flying it to the trash, impressing the rest of the First Order and they wishing they could do the same. This was going to take awhile, as Hux did not provide any brooms. He was a bastard like that.

Ren walked slowly back to his quarters. He contemplated and meditated a bit, pulls to the light, remembering his times when Threepio was his only companion and would play games with him. Having to relive some of those childhood memories as well. It was quite an emotional toll. Not to mention the way they talked about his, or well Ben's mother. He wondered if this was Supreme Leader's idea. It probably was. "Well, Grandfather, with your guidance you will direct me." As he stared at Vader's helmet. Hux really is a bastard.


End file.
